funny motivational quotes

1. "I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." - Thomas Jefferson
2. "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill
3. "The only way to do great work is to love what you do." - Steve Jobs
4. "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
5. "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Edison
6. "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Edison
7. "The best way to predict your future is to create it." - Abraham Lincoln
8. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it." - W.C. Fields
9. "I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong." - Benjamin Franklin
10. "I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde
11. "The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time." - Joe Girard
12. "I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott
13. "The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it." - Franklin P. Jones
14. "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." - Mark Twain
15. "Don't let yesterday take up too much of today." - Will Rogers
16. "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
17. "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." - Jimmy Dean
18. "If you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." - Henry Ford
19. "The only way to have a good day is to start it with a positive attitude." - Unknown
20. "The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra." - Jimmy Johnson
21. "The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary." - Vidal Sassoon
22. "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye." - Cathy Guisewite
23. "I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me." - Noel Coward
24. "The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time." - Joe Girard
25. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia." - Charles M. Schulz
26. "You can't have everything. Where would you put it?" - Steven Wright
27. "I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure." - Unknown
28. "Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese." - Billie Burke
29. "I have a photographic memory. I just haven't developed it yet." - Unknown
30. "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." - Lily Tomlin
31. "If at first you don't succeed, redefine success." - Unknown
32. "I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" - Chandler
33. "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes." - Jim Carrey
34. "I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." - A. Whitney Brown
35. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?" - George Carlin
36. "I used to be Snow White, but I drifted." - Mae West
37. "The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream." - Bill Murray
38. "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." - Lily Tomlin
39. "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." - A. A. Milne
40. "I didn't graduate with honors. I was honored just to graduate." - Unknown
41. "I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to have enough money to stare off into the distance while pumping gas." - Unknown
42. "I'm not arguing. I'm just explaining why I'm right." - Unknown
43. "I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed." - Unknown
44. "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." - Earl Wilson
45. "My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people with me." - Orson Welles
46. "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Edison
47. "I'm not a morning person. I'm a coffee person." - Unknown
48. "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." - Rodney Dangerfield
49. "I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it." - Unknown
50. "I'm not arguing. I'm just explaining why I'm right." - Unknown